london ,?W£:5q23-o465

drank too much coffee... found a better and cheaper place to go: internet cafe.
another reason is that I can never live without internet...never want to feel isolated to the outside world.

ja... E , I am sitting in front of 'the charing cross computer'.. after so many days under pressure and tears. A week after you leave, I told the mother that her daughter smoke.. and you can imagine how bad my life is ...but well, wing man never dies...I now consider it as my major motivation...I need to show them that I am not just a student at their home.
kind of 'silly'...

but london is very very difficult. Many alumni told me that galleries like Whitechapel or sepentine would need a volunteer...but the fact is: 'no'..and from their feedback could I know that I am not the first one to ask for the non paid job ( and neither the last one)

...re write my cv again and figure out how naive I was to tell eveything in details and be so 'honest'..but you know my character...I can't tell lie either....so one thing to remember is that I did spend much time on coaching.. while I have totally lost the relationship with the RSG team at the moment. Give up..pick up..give up.. pick up.. what a routine! and really don't know if I am sacrifying sth that I've addicted to for up to 10 years.
recalling is hard.. too happy to cry

and thinking about the people (in london) that impress me the most:
no. 1 should be 'lee'( I can't even spell her name correctly). She is a german british girl who sleep next to me in the london youth hostel. A very very strange coincidence ( a little bit terrible actually); she is the former aupair who worked in my family in munich ! .. we don't really have much to share except the family..but her love for the younger boy reminds me how lovely the children were and how lucky I was to meet those kind and true people.
..stop comparing, ceci
...
the other is a young man in the youth hostel...well.. who acutally lives there. these days I can't stop asking myself: Why can't I just do the same? work in london, lving in the youth hostel? a real independent thing..
ar.. je voudrais aller encore en voyage! a la plage, sous le soleil...ha ha ce n'est pas possible... tous les gens pense que je suis en voyoge....ce moment....
suddently remember a chinese poet saying '$$$ bui du li,ren ga bui du li'
..
it's true, I can only talk to myself